Archive for the ‘whimsical’ Category

I’m Bobbi French And I Approve This Message

Ah government woes are everywhere these days. In case you haven’t heard the Canadian government pretty much collapsed recently. No military coup or anything like the madness going on in North Africa these days. In typical Canadian fashion the opposition said that they no longer had confidence in the prime minister and in turn he asked the Governor General to dissolve Parliament and that was that. So polite us Canucks.

Bottom line is there’s an opening for Prime Minister of Canada, I’m between engagements at the moment, coincidence? I think not. There’s no reason I couldn’t run Canada from rural France, god knows Mr. Harper has been phoning it in for the last 5 years so I’ve put together a platform for my term as ruler of the Great White North:

1. All money marked for wars of any kind, space exploration and air travel liquid restrictions will be diverted to the creation of a new mental health system that actually works.
2. All hospitals will be required to hire French chefs, massage therapists and have full service spas on site.
3. All reality television (the making of, watching of and thinking of) will be a federal crime punishable by 10 years in prison and a $50 fine.
4. Rape will be designated a hate crime with rapists actually going to jail.
5. Dark chocolate will be declared an essential food group and distributed to the masses by the kilo free of charge.
6. Free university tuition for anyone who wants to give it a go.
7. All pants will be required to be available with a 36 inch inseam (it’s all about me)
8. Cancer, AIDS, chronic illnesses of any kind, homelessness, poverty and hunger will be permanently banned.
9. All teenagers will be forbidden to use the words ‘like’ and ‘dude’.
10. All hairstylists must be proficient in the latest razor cut technology.

Of course this is a first draft and since I’m a woman of the people feel free to offer your suggestions for ways to improve the great nation that has given us beavers and maple syrup. I don’t know what my chances are but until I see my dream Prime Minister appear I’ll do my civic duty and throw my hat in the ring.

When an athiest, wheelchair bound, immigrant of color (with a publicly known history of depression and 3 adopted children from foreign countries) and her wife step forward to assume command, only then can I finally know that the nation is well in hand and can go forward without me. Until then, for the record, I did not have sexual relations with that woman but I might have inhaled.

adventures in the city

once mentioned that if it’s adventure you seek, you don’t need to go to Morocco to find it. Indeed, there are so many hidden treasures just waiting to be discovered in your own backyard. Henry David Thoreau said, “I have traveled a great deal in Concord”, which is interesting given that he was actually from Concord. Perhaps Thoreau understood something that many of us modern day bohemians could benefit from learning: travel is not a matter of location but rather, it is about seeing, about being curious, about having an open mind and a sense of wonder.

Last weekend, I was reminded of this fact. I met my friend Roma and together we went on a Spring walk across the city. We bundled up warmly as the wind was paralytically cold, then set out on a grand journey. We had a destination in mind but our wanton ways delayed us some. Our first stop, naturally, was the liquor store where we purchased a bottle of whiskey for the road and then we wandered downtown and a little further still, away from the sky scrapers and the noise of the city, into the industrial section. Drawn to a sign that looked like a fish bone, we found a bench in the sun just begging for a sit down. And so, we obliged for a while. Little did we know that this pause was about to plant silly notions in our head, from which would sprout an intense desire for adventure.

One minute, we were on our bench in the sun, rather innocently looking at the New City Gas Co. building, constructed in 1859 and long since abandoned. The next minute, we were exploring the outside of building. And before long, we were scouting the area in search of an entrance and trying every door in vain until we found one that opened (much to our surprise). We walked in with a tentative “Hello, is anyone here?” Our question was met with an eerie silence. So we walked up to the first floor where we found plants bathed in glorious sunlight (the kind that comes in diffuse through a dusty window), proof that the place wasn’t, in fact, abandoned. This might have encouraged one to leave the premises, but we chose to carry on (our reasoning  being that if we bumped into someone, they might be able to answer our pressing questions about the place). On the second floor, we discovered a projection room in which a film was playing of a woman with blood-red rubber gloves, tangled in a mess of green thread. It was an old 8mm film. The music was somewhat sinister. We didn’t know whether to be fascinated or freaked out. The creepy feeling started to override our sense of wonder as we began to imagine the woman with the rubber gloves suddenly appearing behind us and chopping us to pieces with a cleaver knife then feeding us to the meat grinder. With goosebumps running up our arms, it felt like all the horror movies we’d ever seen and we were about to be THOSE GIRLS that go into DARK PLACES and say “Helloooo, is anybody here?” and then BAM! Blood and guts everywhere. Yes. Perhaps I have an overactive imagination, but I had goosebumps, people. Goosebumps!

(My apologies to Gypsy Girls Guide readers. I assure you this story is going the way of rainbows and unicorns shortly.)

So then we heard voices and found much comfort in that and asked the people if they knew what this place was and it turns out that it was a visual arts and media exhibit put on by University graduates and we were more than welcome to browse. And here we thought we were being such bad asses for sneaking into an abandoned building. Still. Cultural WIN!

We left the exhibit and carried on down Wellington Street where a man on a horse-drawn carriage heading back to the stable asked if we wanted a lift. “Hop on,” he said “This is Jimmy (pointing at the horse) and he weighs 2,000 pounds.” He and Jimmy took us 5 minutes down the road, then bid us farewell. We thanked them and continued on our journey to a little nature spot in Verdun. A haven outside of the city, by the water, away from everything. There was a field of reeds and I heard my first red-winged black bird of the season and spotted a hawk circling high up in the sky and a flock of robins in budding trees. We crossed the field and sat under a lamp-post by the highway and watched the traffic go by from above as we drank our whiskey and told stories of when we were children and how there was nothing more exciting than having big trucks and trains honk at you as you pumped your fist in the air and said “pooooo pooooo” (or choo choo, as it were) and just as Miss R. said that, two cars honked at us from down below and we were in hysterics and I said: “Isn’t it nice when you feel like there’s nowhere else you’d rather be in the world but right where you are?” And she said yes.

The sun was starting to set by now and it was time to go home. We hailed a taxi downtown and went back to her place where we ordered poutine and made a giant salad and watched Top Gear and I hadn’t laughed that hard in a really long time. And to think that we almost bailed on our walk that morning. What a shame that would have been.

Sometimes. A girl needs a bit of an adventure and everything else just has to wait.

How do you fit adventure into your busy life?

(Disclaimer: I in no way condone trespassing. I would never deface public property or violate someone’s personal space. And I do understand that certain places are boarded up for reasons of public safety and that I am entering at my own risk…. but heck if I wasn’t born with an insatiable curiosity. Something I get from my grand-mother Lambert who used to (and still does) scout out abandoned houses and cemeteries in Michigan)

Jeanine is a regular contributor to Gypsy Girl’s Guide.

Travel wish lists

A travel dream fulfilled: Floating in the Dead Sea

by Roxanne Krystalli

Karen Walrond, the author of The Beauty of Different, has published her life list on her lovely blog Chookooloonks. Inspired by Maggie Mason’s “Mighty Life List” on Mighty Girl, she compiled a list of lifetime accomplishments to which she aspires.

Perhaps you have a life list of your own: You want to deliver a TED talk, publish a book, or parent a child. I share some of those desires, but the milestones I have chosen to discuss today are those of wanderers. Drawing inspiration from Karen Walrond and Maggie Mason, I am interested in the experiences that transcend the lines of a a resume and which, instead, draw their power from the beauty we have witnessed, the food we have tasted and the kindness of foreign lands in which we have fallen asleep.

Today I share with you some of my own travel wishes. The items on the list below require boarding planes, trains and cars. Some refer to traveling an entire country, while others relate to specific travel experiences at a certain destination. These are dire economic times and times of ‘turbulence’, as Paul Theroux put it in his recent travel essay in the New York Times. Talking about travel dreams in this climate may seem indulgent or irrelevant. To me, it is simply necessary – for nothing has gotten me through tough terrain faster than dreams.

A Glimpse into Roxanne’s Travel Wish List

1. Drive the entire length of Alaska on the Alaska Highway.
2. See penguins in Antarctica.
3. Photograph the Bolivian salt plains.
4. Experience the festival of Holi in India.
5. Chase a storm in the continental United States.
6. Circumnavigate Lake Victoria.
7. Attend the 2014 World Cup in Brazil.
8. Experience the volcanoes and white nights of Iceland.
9. Hug a panda bear. If that is too treacherous, feed it instead. [I am not settling for "see a panda bear" on this one.]
10. See the Northern Lights.
11. Visit Iraqi Kurdistan.
12. Watch the sun rise out of the ocean – any ocean.
13. Dive in the Great Barrier Reef.
14. Travel to Siwa Oasis in the western Sahara desert.
15. Listen to flamenco guitars in Spain.
16. Traverse the Karakoram highway.
17. Find my favorite temples and shrines in Japan.
18. Eat a macaron in France. [Bobbi's "Zen and the Art of Macaron Maintenance" will make you want this too.]
19. Learn to dance tango in Argentina.
20. Camp in Serengeti National Park.

Your turn. Have you had one of the experiences on the above life list? And what is on your own travel wish list?