As a passionate traveler, I have spent countless hours in airports, watching people come and go as I make my way through terminals, suitcase in tow, following signs to the seating areas from which I will either begin a new adventure or start the journey home. Once I am through security and at my gate, I love searching for clues as to what kind of journeys my fellow travelers are in the midst of. Are they on a mundane business trip? Are they going to see the love of their life? Most of the time it is impossible to know, but every once in a while I see emotions spilling open, the result of all the various hellos and good-byes that are possible in places like airports.
I will never forget sitting in an airport in Havana, Cuba waiting for my flight back to the United States. There was a man sitting alone a few feet from me, his head held steady in one hand and his gaze on the floor as tears streamed down his cheeks. There was no heaving of the shoulders, no sniffles, no wails – not a muscle moved. He was a statue, and held his pose long enough that I managed to do a quick sketch of him. This felt invasive, but the moment was so compelling I could not help myself, and I managed to capture the sorrowful slump in his posture with a few quick strokes of the pen. It wasn’t difficult to imagine the kind of good-bye he might have had to say that day. This was Havana, after all, and Cuban families had been torn apart and scattered for years. Perhaps this man had to say good-bye to his parents, knowing he would never be able see them again. Whatever the circumstances, he was not expressing sadness over a temporary good-bye to a loved one, he was beginning a process of grieving, right there in the José Martí International Airport.
Good-byes can be painful and even shocking. I have said delicate good-byes in letters and final good-byes in person. Good-byes have been forced upon me without warning and meant for me to figure out on my own through sudden, unexplained silences. I have had to say good-bye to dreams, to a marriage, to dozens of homes, and to an old self. I have resisted many good-byes along the way, and always felt a unique sense of relief when I finally gave in and accepted them. I have a deep relationship with good-bye, have learned it is an undeniable part of human existence – part of the process of coming and going, living and dying.
The night before every trip I always experience a brief moment of panic at the thought of having to say good-bye to my husband and home, even if I will only be away for one day. I carry a small remnant of that anxiety until the following day, and it isn’t released until I kiss my husband good-bye and either walk out the door or see him drive away. But the minute that release happens a new kind of energy immediately swoops in takes its place – the anticipation of my return, and the moment I’ll get to say hello once again. And with this excitement I turn around, take my first steps forward, and say hello to my next adventure.
Christine Mason Miller is the artist and author of “Ordinary Sparkling Moments”.
Beautiful. Thank you Swirly. Goodbyes move and mystify me, no matter how many I say.
Sigh, goodbyes are enigmatic things.
When we want the goodbye, it is easy to say.
When we don’t want the goodbye, the word will stick in our throats and we become entrenched in the emotion of the word, almost drowning in it.
I remember you and your sketchbooks in Jordan, I admired your connectivity to them and how fluidly and quickly you were able to translate a moment on to a page, I’ll never forget it, it was such a part of who you are.
You seem to make the connections, which is why I’m not surprised for a second that this post has such a heart to it.
xoxo
As a wanderer, I’ve had many goodbyes, some much harder than others. Some goodbyes even had me sobbing, shoulders heaving unlike your man in Havana. You captured in your sketch his raw yet absolutely contained emotion. Beautiful, moving post.
My gosh I have goosebumps from reading this! What a powerful moment you captures in Havana. Your writing is so elegant!
beautiful. xo
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