Okay. So despite my moodiness in Mexico… I did take my new SX70 out and played with it using TZ film, which was sort of a surreal experience.
I got these cyan, greenish polaroids and I just fell in love with them, even though it is such a drastic change from my saturated colorful photos.
Truth is I think this film really captured the heart of what I like the most about Mexico, when all the colors are not distracting me: the simple, slow and traditional life, that still exists there.
And doesn’t my friend Prudencio (below) fit in perfectly with this style too? He hung out at the town square pretty much every afternoon and watched me take pictures. Isn’t he adorable?
More to come…
Archive for March, 2010
Vintage Mexico
March 19, 2010
Be still my heart
March 18, 2010
If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves
and of threatening ourselves with death
Perhaps the world can teach us
as when everything seems dead
but later proves to be alive”
Pablo Neruda
Isn’t this such a poignant quote? If only we (I) were not so single minded! Among other emotional stress I brought upon myself in Mexico, I spent much of my time with anxiousness about a photo shoot I was trying to do there and escalating my nerves to the point of crying my eyeballs out with thoughts such as “if I don’t do it now, if I don’t shoot now, if I don’t make it as a photographer, I’ll never make it. I have to keep moving, I have to be fast, I have to get “there” before the baby gets here.” I couldn’t just let that go to enjoy that time for what it was suppose to be: a time with my husband, cherishing our relationship, celebrating our family, eating, resting, napping… It’s a shame, but moments come and go just like that. Poof. That time is over now. I didn’t shoot and I didn’t enjoy my time fully. Just something to think about. As long as we are alive (deeply aware and alive) we are always moving, there is no need to rush.
Take a break and a deep breath. Can you say with me? Be still my heart. Be still my soul.
xo
Week # 17
March 16, 2010
Dear Baby,
Despite the beautiful place and the great weather, this was a hard week for your momma. My emotions were riding the hormone roller coaster and it was up and down, up and down, all the time. I’m sorry if that was hard on you. I felt so anxious, the sun was too much, the mexican food was too heavy, I wasn’t inspired to take pictures, I worried about getting sick, and in moments of solitude, I cried my eyes out for no apparent reason. I think I felt tender in Mexico because it is similar to Brazil in many ways, but it is not Brazil. So it could have been the moisture in the air, the dancing of the palm trees or just the laid back lifestyle, that made me wonder about the choices I’ve made in my life… But something, something there triggered me and made me feel really homesick. These days I miss my own momma, your grandma Lucia, more than ever before. Skype is fabulous to stay in touch, but like being in Mexico versus in Brazil, it does not substitute the real thing. We did have delightful moments in our vacation though. It was a truly mellow and perfect trip. The best part for me was to have your dad patiently by my side through all my moods. When you come out you will see how dreamy he is. When there is nothing more than can be said or fixed, he just looks at me so very deeply and totally makes me melt. It is the only thing that can calm me down. He knows how to let a moment take its course, how to make me unwind and go through my process. I hope you get that from him. I’m way too fire-y and while trying to change an experience, I get way too hard on myself. With all that said, I wanted you to know though, that I do love you and that I am looking forward to your arrival. If I’ve complained and worried about now or the future, it has really nothing to do with how much I (we) want you here with us. I guess it all just finally caught up with me this week. Some people get nausea, I get the blues. It’s just one more of those things I have to accept about myself. I won’t be a perfect mom, I won’t always know what to do, but I will always give my best and have immense love for you. I hope that can be enough for both of us. This coming week we are going to have our second nuchal ultrasound and we should be able to find out if you are a boy or a girl. Don’t get shy now, show us the goods, okay? We are really excited to start shopping for a brand new closet and room for you! Seriously, we love you more everyday. xoxo
