photo by Katherine Center. Yep. That is me. Shameless & Whole.
I know I have been absent here, but it is because I have been living!
I just got back from a few unforgettable days in the Oregon coast with a group of Lovebombers! This group was created last year by Kelly Rae and Jen Lemen with the intent of forming a circle of inspiration and nourishment. We are now 14 women from all over the country, all artists, most of us bloggers, who support and love each other all year long through emails, phone calls, letters, and then meet up in Manzanita, once a year, to celebrate our passion for Art, Life and Friendship.
This year our days were lighthearted and filled with walks on the beach, naps, making art, taking photos compulsively, laughing, snuggling on the couch, singing and dancing to Lionel Richie all day and “all night long”…
So I don’t even know where to start. These were the best days ever. Fun days in the most glorious sense of the word fun! I feel like I’ve found my way to the kind community and women I’ve been seeking all my life. I longed for it. I resisted it. I judged myself and the women. I cried. I was cracked open and I was put together all over again, as the better version of myself. As the real deal. I’m nothing but one flammable lovebomb now!
The message painted on my body on the picture above reads “I see you just as you are and just as you are not. And I have nothing but love for you.” This powerful quote was written and chosen for me by my friend Jen Lee, from her stunning book called Fortunes. The words were handwritten with a paintbrush by the miraculous hands of Katherine Center. Then I was photographed by more cameras than I could count. I heard them clicking and shouting “Oooh… Awww…” And I’m being modest, actually. I’ll tell you, these women know how to make a girl feel loved. As a result, I finally felt more at ease in my body, in all my imperfections. I was able to accept what I am and what I am not, and I was able to feel loved either way.
The best part is that it did not stop there. The music was playing loud, a sheet was spread across the living room floor with canvases, paints and scrap paper brought by Kelly Rae. We all alternated dancing, collaging, painting with our hands and feet. We took turns at being painted, photographed, cherished and loved. Each one of us was blessed with poetic words on our body. Words such as: Alive, Delicious, Courage, I am enough, I believe, Wild, Free Spirit, Brave in Love, Fearless, You are the one you’ve been waiting for, Art is my Hustle, Lovable… And it goes on and on… All I can say is that somehow by having the words on our skin, we owned them. There was a moment I looked around and the bliss was so intense I could barely stand it! The moment lingered and slowly dissipated with each song, leaving only our heartbeats to tell the story. Sigh. Every woman should experience something like this in their lifetime.
There are more pictures to share, but here are some photos I did not take:
I did not photograph but I’ll always remember…
Waking up to the smell of fresh coffee every morning, combined with girls singing in the background… (The luxurious perk of oversleeping!)
Jen Gray’s smile when I first arrived at the house. Jen and I holding hands on our walk into town, where I told her my deepest secrets. The two of us, sitting on the floor with our heads on each others’ shoulders, contemplating our collaborative painting.
Jen Lemen and I cleaning prawns together. Only a sweet friend can make this experience less err. disgusting! Jen so gets it. Also, the moment she asked me if I’d want to travel with her sometime. The world paused for a second, I swear. Her and I sitting on the floor and sharing stories… The sparkle in her eyes.
When I first saw Myriam getting off the VW bus looking gorgeous and carrying a plate of red plums. Myriam’s colorful crisp salads, always perfectly seasoned. Her ability to throw things together and deliver the most incredible meal. How she walks back and forth in the kitchen with confidence. Her creekly voice when she is trying to prove her point (i so love it!). Myriam in all her outfits!!!
A cup of Katherine’s soul warming soup. Katherine talking about writing, sitting on the floor of our bedroom. How she lights up when talking about books, words, writers, writing! Katherine wearing a green shawl around her white blouse. And how she wrote a poem on a green dotted piece of paper and read it for us, while we all painted on the floor.
The way the light gently wrapped around Tracey’s features as she drove Myriam and I to the house and we chatted. How much we shared and how damn perfect a lunch can be at a Beaverton pub, if you are in her company. How she has this serene way when she gazes at the beach. All her intense looks. Her expression at a first bite of a pao de queijo (brazilian cheese puff!). ps; I think she liked it ;)
Jen Lee reading one of Jen Lemen’s oracle cards to me. How I balled! Hello! I melt easy when surrounded by three Jens, who can see right through me. (I don’t even know what it said! Jen, help! I need to write it down…) Jen Lee standing on the chaise and dancing to Indigo Girls…
Andrea doing a little “f***k yeah” dance for me. :) (and doing a pony dance with KR (which is out there, peeps! thankfully, someone did shoot that one! check Andrea’s blog) All of us gathered on the couch and around Andrea’s computer to see her photos, gasping for air, at the beauty of each one of them, reflecting the beauty of each one of us.
Hula and I laying on the bed and chatting to the weee hours of the night. Hula and I sharing quiet chill out time in the house when everyone was out and about. Hula with all her vintage cameras. Hula and Katherine walking against the wind towards the north end of the beach.
Karen helping me cook a Brazilian dinner. Her smile trying to comfort me in my panic of failure! Her beaming light of support throughout the entire process. And how I wish I had snapped a shot of her best version of a caipiroska! Well done, friend. The black beans were delish too!
And holy smokes! Watching everyone eat my Brazilian dinner “Moqueca” and kindly say nice things about it ;)
Ali bathing Anna in the sink. (just to be clear. Anna is Ali’s baby!) Ali giving me a big snuggle as she walked by me on the couch. Ali showing me the best of motherhood. How she makes it look easy to travel with a baby… How mellow she is. I think I’m going to call her Alidorable from now on. Ali painting her gorgeous white collage with such precision. She so knows what to do, that talented woman!
Brene playing 70s music in the morning and the cute grin on her face at each song! Brene sneaking SUCH great photos of all of us. Brene of sparkling laughter on the beach. All of us gathered on the couch watching the video Brene posted to her blog…
Kelly Rae demonstrating to Jen and I how she paints her girls. So lovely to watch how natural it is for her to work through all the painting phases. I wish I could have captured her telling us that in life and in the painting process you have to work through the ugly phase to get to the beauty (I so love that! Snap & click that wisdom, please.) Kelly Rae big heart and big love the whole time. A heart of gold.
Mati remembered by each one of us every minute. How Karen took pics of us blowing her kisses and how Jen Gray would videotape parts of the day, just to send to Mati and make her feel like she was there w us this year. How we all mentioned her name and brought her in so many times throughout the whole retreat. We missed you, Mati. But you were there with us all the same.
All of us wearing our prom party dresses to celebrate Myriam’s birthday. Each of us pairing a rock with a good wish for her, and how she glowed, as each one of those wishes was truly received.
Our bonfire at the beach. Our potion of love. All of us lying on our backs and looking at the stars, trying to imagine we were on the bottom side of the Earth! Trippy! (Andrea’s idea!) Our “flying wish papers” and how we each cheered every time one wish went up in the air (Have you seen those wish papers? They are fab!)
Anyhow… I can go on an on… There were so many moments… Some of which will have to be kept in the Pandora’s box, because not all magic can be revealed or recounted…
But I really want to inspire you to find your own group of Lovebombers. The world needs the kind of spiritual and creative revolution these gatherings propagate. You need to experience what it is like to feel that everyone around you just gets it and gets YOU, loves YOU, in a big way.
Just go for it.
I’m going to borrow Jen Lee’s words one more time, to say to my lovebombers and to you, dear readers:
“I wish and I have nothing but love for you”