Hwy 01, San Francisco, 2008.
If you were wondering how I’ve been lately (really), I’d have to say that on one hand, I’m ecstatic about the election results. I’m thriving in the energy that was generated by millions of people coming together (and forward) with their beliefs. I’m full of joy. I’m excited by a future full of positive change and lots of promise.
On the other hand, personally, I’ve been feeling much like the picture above: gloomy, damp, melancholic and a bit alone and isolated in my inner world. Trying to figure out how to move from the periphery onto the middle of the Highway. Pretty straightforward. I thought some chocolate scones and tea would do the trick. But no… Not today… So what will then?
Today, I just don’t know.
It seems to me like we are trained to always have an answer and advice for how to better ourselves and how to get out of our troubles, blues and funks. We read books, watch the news, see films, follow blogs and go places… We are all in search of that one thing that will make our day. Perhaps that one picture that will make us smile, or that one word, that will give us some direction and some hope. But, today I ain’t got it.
Today, I just don’t know.
It seems to me that we can all learn a skill or a trade that can help us succeed. It seems to me that we can all work hard, we can all be creative and we can all be brave. Yet, some of us make it, and some of us, don’t. What is up with that?
Today, I just don’t know.
It’s seems to me that we all know to eat our veggies, drink more water and exercise 3x a week. It seems to me that we all know we need to remember how to breathe. We all know we need cardio, stretching and meditation, to still our minds. Yet, we sit on our butts and we complain. We continue to feel hungry for happiness and we still lack rigging in our body, mind & spirit. We are defeated by cancer, depression and war. Why?
Today, I just don’t know.
It seems to me that those of us who have enough to pay our bills, should know how to reach out to those in need. Those who are starving, unclothed, illiterate, homeless, violated, alone, old. It seems to me that we should know how to make an impact as an individual. We should know by now how to reuse, recycle, give and share. We should know how to save. Yet, we get caught up in our own dramas, we blame, we cheat, we get in debt and we forget our own role. Can’t we get a grip?
Today, I just don’t know.
It seems to me that we all seek inspiration of some sort. We all seek a community to belong to. We all want to live fully, open arms, diving deep with our heart first. And yet, we feel inadequate, we feel jealous, we compare, we judge and we hide. When are we going to trust ourselves?
Today, I just don’t know.
It seems to me that we can learn all these things. And more… We can become all these things we yearn for. We become adults, professionals, friends, lovers, partners and parents. We are able to absorb knowledge and propagate it. We are able to realize our mistakes, pick up the pieces and start over and over again. We are able to counsel and heal. Yet, we still loose track of our own wisdom. We doubt our power. We forget that each and every one of us has a different story, a different experience. We forget we all have a superpower and an underbelly of our own. How come?
Today, I just don’t know.
So today, that is exactly what I want to offer you…
I want to offer this “not knowing”, this blank canvas, as a gift to you.
Even though I’m finding myself somewhat stuck today…
It’s still a wild beautiful world out there and you need to get out and go get it.
You have all the tools.
You have it all.
You know it all.
If you can’t move. Smile.
Then… Hug someone.
Throw your questions out to the wind.
Love every sweet whisper of fresh air that comes back at you.
Embrace every answer that brushes off your hair.
Write it down, like I will…
To read it over, on another foggy day like this.
As our new president says:
Yes we can. And Yes we will.
I believe in that.
But today, if you ask me,
I’m afraid I’ll keep saying:
Today, I just don’t know.
Which is good, though.
Because it’s important to share
our thoughts, ideas and dreams…
But at the end of the day,
We all need to step back and
Take our place in the family of things.
We all need to figure out our own rhythm.
We each need to find our own way.
Find your own way
November 10, 2008
Oh – Linda! this is beautiful, wise writing. I tried to call you. I’ll keep trying this week. x
Alex, gypsy-girl,
I’m reading this in a Florence cafe over a capachino and apple bread and crying. Your truth, your words and the blank canvas you offer. Hugs to you for not knowing dear Alexxxxx
Mati
I thank you for the gift of not knowing, for the gift of no answers, for your beautifully wrapped and be-ribboned present of a smile, for the clarity and perception and bottom line of: we all need to find our own way. Oh those are the words I have been digging in the dirt for, just those words.
Dearest Alex, a very wise post. Persistence is the key to all of it. Sometimes we get off track and lose our way; other times, we’re racing along so fast, we hardly have time to notice what’s happening. Balance is the key and that we know. Wonderful photo, says she, who’s homesick for San Francisco – but delirious with joy about Obama’s election! xoxox
oh my dear alex – thank you for the drinks, the fries and the laughter the other night. that and this is what i needed! what we both needed. you are a wise one, you are a wise one. and i do know that today.
mucho love my dear!!!
xoxox
stef
Today, I just don’t know either…
thank you for making me feel less alone.
xo
i’m a rabid lurker but today’s post really spoke to my heart – thank you for making me feel as though i’m not alone.
This is beautiful, just as you are, in every way possible. xoxo
Thanks for stopping by, Gypsy Girl. I meant to feature your inspiring, philosophical gem before now. Reading your note, I did so today in New Websites, and installed your blog in Creativity. Warm wishes. A
thank you for sharing these lovely, wise words. it is good to be reminded that we all need to find our own rhythm.
Funny, but this is the second time I’ve been confronted by the phrase ” I don’t know”…and how it’s ok not to know sometimes.
Maybe, maybe the lesson is to simply “trust”..that within this space of “I don’t know” is someone who does. We are never alone.
Hi Gypsy Girl
Thank you for stopping by my blog. I hope you make the pie it really is delicious.
I love this current blog of yours. Your philosophy has made me stop and think.
We too in our country have had a change of government, and people feel like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders.
It’s time for change and in this current global financial crisis we must think of others than ourselves and don
Oh, I have to admit, as soon as I saw the picture, I felt a connection. I think the picture, is so beautiful. Calm and truthful.
So much of what you said here, I can feel, right down to my bones.
Wiping away, a few tears.
; )
After reading your post i couldn’t help but write, your words are so from the heart, so beautiful, so true. I felt as though you were reading my thoughts. thank you *ruthie*
Lovely piece of writing. Emotional. The picture is also very evocative.
This writing is so perfect for what I’ve been trying to figure out myself lately. Thank you for putting into words what I’ve had a hard time explaining to myself.
This is beautiful and true. The gift of just not knowing… how many would see it as a gift? Thank you, Katie
Sometimes the “not knowing days” are the most valuable ones. The ones where doors will open up unexpected. The photograph is beautiful and inspiring. Thanks for sharing these very important feelings. I am glad I found your blog!
mamaa Ayanna
Very inspiring! We should embrace our blank canvases and not be afraid of them…
This is one technology that I would love to be able to use for myself. It’s definitely a cut above the rest and I can’t wait until my provider has it. Your insight was what I needed. Thanks