Rockaway, Nor Cal, Jan 2008.
"What is your truth? Ask your heart, your back, your bones and your dreams. Listen to that truth with your whole body. Understand that this truth will destroy no one and that you're too old to be sent to your room. Move into your truth as though it were an old house. Walk through each room. See, hear, and feel what it is to live there. Try to love what you find, and remember the words that come to you as you explore. If you embrace it, if you are faithful to it, your truth will reward you with unimaginable freedom and intimacy with yourself and others. You won't land in a world made to order; some people in your life may not like what you write. But those who remain will be allies, people who breathe deeply and listen. It will feel good to be seen completely and loved as you are." John Lee
It turns out that when I began this journey, my truth was living in a dark place inside of me. At that time, I was afraid my life could change dramatically if I listened to my truth, so I decided to hide it. What if the love of my life went away? What if my friends went away? What if the job and the money went away? What if I were just too strange to be accepted anywhere? Who would care? Who would hold me?
So I kept my truth in the shadows of my doubts and insecurities for years. At the same time, I was always looking for a sign, a promise that I would be safe if the truth came out. I wanted to embrace it, but I waited for the day I'd know for sure I had the talent, the day I would have something amazing to show, the day my art would sell and when all the longing would be met. Meanwhile, my truth was locked in a trunk full of judgment. Or I kept it down in the basement where I didn't go very often. I packed it in the small closet with all those old suitcases, sketchbooks and aging photos of my childhood. I thought I'd leave it there until the time was right. I secretly hoped my truth would leave, actually. I hoped it would disappear just like that big box of clothes I'd been planning to take to goodwill... I confess that I even wished I could settle for less and be happy without it.
Truth does deserve better, I know. However, it never gave up on me either. It stayed. It followed me. It took me for many walks on the beach. It showed me where it thrives. It showed me how it glows in moments of poetry, color and daydreaming. It joined me in solitude and in nature. It called me to trust and believe. It begged me to follow my path. To open up more and more about my secret wishes. It made me feel unique. It taught me that feelings of resentment, fear and overwhelm are not my truth, and therefore, can gently be dismissed when they show up. It also brought me new friends. It made me love myself more. It established itself as the center of light in my life. It proved to me that I am worth it.
All this juicy stuff!!! But there is still so much leaping to be done. And it is scary. It makes me want to nap a lot. Facing my truth even makes me want to wash the dishes sometimes!
I'm wondering though, if the best way to stay connected and engaged in the creative path is to really invite more truth in everyday. What do you think?
What is the one truth you must honor this year?
Comments (16)
Oh my goodness!
I have just finished writing my morning pages -around an hour ago- and one thing that i realised today was that i have also been hiding the truth of me... of who i really am. Like i was afraid that i would get 'being me' wrong. So now i have the knowledge that i have been hiding myself, i know need to work on unlocking all the doors in my rooms so i can go explore them.
I have hidden myself away for so long, behind lots of fake disguises and underneath an overweight body. Discovering part of my own truth this morning has given me such a feeling of excitement - i just can't tell you how amazing it was to tune in here and read your words.
Thanks for your writing and for being who you are Alex, you are a constant delight.
Posted by chocolate covered musings | January 30, 2008 1:49 AM
Posted on January 30, 2008 01:49
oh wow...you do not know how much i relate to this post...i have done the same thing with my truth and it's only been within the past few years that i've started listening to it, trusting it, and holding it a little more tenderly and compassionately...
thank you for this post...it really touched me...
...and i had to add that book to my amazon wish list because that quote ROCKED!
Posted by la vie en rose | January 31, 2008 11:46 AM
Posted on January 31, 2008 11:46
Thank you for writing this! I just had an epiphany today; this just reinforces it ^_^
One truth for this year..hm..it can't be put into words. Really, so far it's just a feeling, tugging me towards a different path.
Posted by [a} | January 31, 2008 1:00 PM
Posted on January 31, 2008 13:00
beautiful, brave words...
this year I need to be more brave...(scary stuff! I relate to wanting to wash the dishes! hee hee!) xx
Posted by Linni | January 31, 2008 2:47 PM
Posted on January 31, 2008 14:47
Thank you for this quote. I am a collector of words, and I have never come across a quote that so perfectly encapsulated my life journey before. The past six months of my life have been exactly this, this quest for and acceptance of my truth - and my life is bolder and brighter and more frightening and lovely and expansive than I ever could have dreamed.
You are such an inspiration.
jen.
Posted by jen | February 1, 2008 8:40 AM
Posted on February 1, 2008 08:40
The truth is this: I am my best and most reliable support system. If everyone and everything went away, I would still be okay, because the Creator of my existence would still be with me. Self-reliance, the whispers of my own heart, trust in myself, this is the truth, this is the safety net. And miraculously, this truth ensures that glorious others will share my journey with me, that they will share their love with me. :)
I found your blog through Maddie. What a gorgeous soul you are...
Posted by Graciel | February 3, 2008 6:30 AM
Posted on February 3, 2008 06:30
"what truth will you honor this year?"
humm, I've been dropping in now and then for months and months, but that question de-lurked me.
This year's truth is that I can walk away from the urban life I've spent the last 30 years building, and embrace an adventure that is completely new. Scared? Sure, a little. Won't stop me though.
Posted by Hayden | February 4, 2008 6:22 PM
Posted on February 4, 2008 18:22
oh my dear girl you have
poked at a soft spot within
me...
my truth this year ~
to take a chance again ~
and free my unlocked sorrows
~ to live alive and out loud and passionately which is
my heart's true calling
...
hugs!
Posted by maddie | February 5, 2008 10:37 AM
Posted on February 5, 2008 10:37
YOWZA. I want to staple this post to my forehead. I think inviting truth to come into your life and find a permanent, cozy spot is the best path we can take....and it is also sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do.
The truth I need to honor this year is that I am strong - in any situation, in any relationship, in any challenge.
Posted by Swirly | February 5, 2008 10:05 PM
Posted on February 5, 2008 22:05
Thank you for sharing that honest post and intensely personal feelings. YES!!! Stay with the truth, speak it, write it, dance it, live it. It is the only way we can survive on all levels, and stay healthy. I know it is uncomfortable, but the net result will be a freedom, a lightness, a power, a flow of energy like you've never experienced.
Now, I need to take my own advice.
Posted by Jeni | February 6, 2008 9:35 PM
Posted on February 6, 2008 21:35
Superb quote. Now, I'll search for that author at my next library visit.
Marvelous post, Alex! I enjoy the conversational flow to your writing, as if you are seriously talking to yourself.
There's a delicate balance between facing or accepting one's truth and deciding how much to reveal to others because one's truth is so deeply personal.
Discovering and accepting one's own truth unleashes vulnerability, but I know it is the only way I will be fulfilled. (There's that old saying, "one must risk or one will never grow due to stagnation.")Like others, this has been an ongoing journey. I must listen to my "inner drummer."
This year, I must honor completely grieving for someone I loved who departed a few years ago. I allowed life's routines and motherly or wifely responsiblity to prevent me from fully grieving. My body has reminded me I MUST. Recently, in January, I thought of a way to help that process: a unique way, but one I hope will work for me. If not, I will try another way.
Posted by GeL (Emerald Eyes) | February 7, 2008 3:47 AM
Posted on February 7, 2008 03:47
This is a beautiful, powerful post, Alex. Such wise words that we all need to hear and learn from...for me, the truth this year is releasing my book to the publisher - something I find both terrifying and thrilling. It's been a long fearful process, afraid to shine my light. And I have to work on improving my health and stop being so judgmental and hard on myself for not being perfect! xoxox
Posted by Paris Parfait | February 7, 2008 2:48 PM
Posted on February 7, 2008 14:48
Thank you for visiting me and for writing this beautiful post.
The truth I want to honor this year is that I am always enough,
that I love being outside more than anything, that life can be trusted to provide - I don't have to try so hard.
Posted by hele | February 8, 2008 6:52 AM
Posted on February 8, 2008 06:52
i have been looking for your email but can't find it, so i'm writing you here in this space. i wanted to say that you are a wise and very brave soul. can we lunch next week?? (Finally?)
Posted by kelly rae | February 10, 2008 10:07 PM
Posted on February 10, 2008 22:07
I don't know about washing the dishes part! Maybe packing the dishwasher. I think your Blog is amazing!
Posted by Shelley | February 11, 2008 6:48 AM
Posted on February 11, 2008 06:48
Girl, what an awesome post!
Tava precisando ouvir (ler) essas palavras hoje.
I'm in a transition phase, and it is in these times that we feel the most hope for following our truth, but also the most fear.
muitos beijos.
Posted by ali la loca | February 12, 2008 4:17 AM
Posted on February 12, 2008 04:17