Rockaway, Nor Cal, Jan 2008.
“What is your truth? Ask your heart, your back, your bones and your dreams. Listen to that truth with your whole body. Understand that this truth will destroy no one and that you’re too old to be sent to your room. Move into your truth as though it were an old house. Walk through each room. See, hear, and feel what it is to live there. Try to love what you find, and remember the words that come to you as you explore. If you embrace it, if you are faithful to it, your truth will reward you with unimaginable freedom and intimacy with yourself and others. You won’t land in a world made to order; some people in your life may not like what you write. But those who remain will be allies, people who breathe deeply and listen. It will feel good to be seen completely and loved as you are.” John Lee, Writing from the body
It turns out that when I began this journey, my truth was living in a dark place inside of me. At that time, I was afraid my life could change dramatically if I listened to my truth, so I decided to hide it. What if the love of my life went away? What if my friends went away? What if the job and the money went away? What if I were just too strange to be accepted anywhere? Who would care? Who would hold me?
So I kept my truth in the shadows of my doubts and insecurities for years. At the same time, I was always looking for a sign, a promise that I would be safe if the truth came out. I wanted to embrace it, but I waited for the day I’d know for sure I had the talent, the day I would have something amazing to show, the day my art would sell and when all the longing would be met. Meanwhile, my truth was locked in a trunk full of judgment. Or I kept it down in the basement where I didn’t go very often. I packed it in the small closet with all those old suitcases, sketchbooks and aging photos of my childhood. I thought I’d leave it there until the time was right. I secretly hoped my truth would leave, actually. I hoped it would disappear just like that big box of clothes I’d been planning to take to goodwill… I confess that I even wished I could settle for less and be happy without it.
Truth does deserve better, I know. However, it never gave up on me either. It stayed. It followed me. It took me for many walks on the beach. It showed me where it thrives. It showed me how it glows in moments of poetry, color and daydreaming. It joined me in solitude and in nature. It called me to trust and believe. It begged me to follow my path. To open up more and more about my secret wishes. It made me feel unique. It taught me that feelings of resentment, fear and overwhelm are not my truth, and therefore, can gently be dismissed when they show up. It also brought me new friends. It made me love myself more. It established itself as the center of light in my life. It proved to me that I am worth it.
All this juicy stuff!!! But there is still so much leaping to be done. And it is scary. It makes me want to nap a lot. Facing my truth even makes me want to wash the dishes sometimes!
I’m wondering though, if the best way to stay connected and engaged in the creative path is to really invite more truth in everyday. What do you think?
What is the one truth you must honor this year?
Archive for January, 2008
January 29, 2008