Somewhere in the northeast of Brazil, 2007.
Sorry for my long absence, dear readers… It’s just that…
Well…
I know I should have at least posted a note to say I was okay… Sorry. But before I knew it, I was gone.
The thing is that…
I was overwhelmed by a need of “less talk and more action”!
I felt that I was over thinking everything.
I felt that I was overstimulated by the “wonderful lives of others” (and their battles too…).
I felt that I needed to clear my head and create space for the next step, the next job, the wedded life, the new year…
I felt that I had lost sight of my own magic!
I felt that I just needed to find silence and look inside.
***
The truth is that I really thought about blogging and updating everyone many times…
But…
I felt that this time was not to be lived and shared. It was just to be lived.
I felt like moving, not sitting in front of the computer.
I felt the need to get out of the room to go outside, breathe fresh air, dive in salty water, walk walk walk…
I felt the need to talk in person.
I felt the need to be one
with my deepest thoughts, fears, dreams…
***
The good news is that this is by far the best time of my life. Everything is falling perfectly into place! Everything that is happening makes sense. And I never thought I’d say this so firmly and so soon: I am truly living a life I love!
After all… How lucky am I to be able to unplug just like that?
Unplug:
1. to remove a plug or stopper from.
2. to free of an obstruction; unclog.
3. to disconnect
4. to remove from an outlet.
5. to become unplugged.
Ever tried to completely unplug from phones, tv, radio, mail, driving? It’s total freedom I assure you! And you will unclog all the energy streams and detox too!
During this time away I was reminded of how much I enjoy this sensation of disconnecting from the “ever so plugged in” world. To be faraway, in remote places, surrounded by village kids, simplicity, color, and preferably, with the sun kissing my shoulders… That is real bliss!
That to me is living fully, without distractions.
***
In my return home though, I also got the confirmation that I definitely entered a “nesting” phase! Even though my gypsy heart loves an adventure, it is at my home in San Francisco that I am finding my comfy zone. I am learning how to be home and to manage all the time I have to do all the things I love… And to be still. To be productive and at the same time at ease… I’m just loving what I have right here: the quietness, my studio, delicious food, my favorite yoga studios nearby, the house itself and all its colorful rooms, the routine of waiting for RC to come home and eat dinner with me… the list goes on…
The journey continues…
My goal is to keep on taking more photos, making more art, writing more wildly and living even more fully and aware. My goal is to begin a new career and continue with the blogging.
So here I am.
ALIVE!
Feeling whole.
AND ALSO
Planning my wedding…
YES!
In Mexico – But of course, a proper gypsy needs a destination wedding! ;P
(so much for the nesting talk…)
Here are some yummy links I found while researching wedding stuff recently:
Wedding Photography: Leigh Miller
Pure “eye” candy! She inspires me because she quit her job a year or so ago to pursue her artistic dreams. Look at the fantastic results!!! Too bad I can’t afford her : (
Amazing boutique hotel in Mexico:
A pink bohemian dream!!
a Yoga Haven
Interested Anyone???
More news and pics to come soon…
HUGSSSS
Archive for 2007
I’m alive!
Bravery
Sunday Nap, At home in San Francisco, Fall 2007.
During the fall, just around four clock in the afternoon, there is an irresistible warm light that stretches through the hardwood floors of my living room. That’s when I turn into a kitty cat. I put on some jazz, I grab a blanket, a big soft pillow, a cup of tea and a couple of poetry and art books. Then I just lay right there on the floor and soak in the tenderness of that moment. Hmmm.
Yesterday, I was inspired by my friend Maddie to make some delicious homemade chai and nurture memories of my own bravery. I pondered and pondered, taking in the sunshine, the sweetness, the smells of cinnamon and cardamom and the recollection of my brave stories.
I remembered times when I was completely alone in faraway remote places, without speaking the language or knowing where I’d go next. I felt really brave and I also felt a sense of wholeness when I stood on my own and made myself company in the middle of nowhere.
So, after a few more sips of chai, I came to the conclusion that the bravest thing we can do is to love ourselves just as we are and where we are. We don’t actually need to travel far to take that stand. To accept all the little (and not so little imperfections) that we have. To be interested in our own journey and all the oddities, challenges and mistakes that make us so unique. To trust that we do enough and that we are enough.
I also remembered a passage I recently read in one of Pema Chodron’s books that spoke of true bravery. The story was about a man who was enjoying himself on a boat ride at dusk. Then, he saw another boat coming down the river towards him and he thought how nice it was, that someone else was enjoying summer at the river just like him. But then, he realized that the other boat was speeding up and coming faster and faster towards him. So he began to yell and ask the other boat to stop or turn… But the boat continued to come faster and unmistakably towards him. He then stood up on his boat, screamed and jumped up and down and… Well… The other boat still kept coming towards him… And in fact, smashed right into him. When that finally happened, he realized that it was an empty boat.
Pema talked about the fact that this zen story shows our whole life situation. There are a lot of empty boats coming towards us all the time. We’re always reacting, screaming, jumping, trying to stop all those crazy boats. But they are empty and there is nothing we can do to really prevent them from crashing…
What if we could just stop our minds for a second, and rest in that little tiny gap between us and the boat? What if we could meet everything that comes our way with that easiness and openness in our minds? Now that is a really brave concept, right?
So I laid there on the sunshine quietly with all these thoughts… Trying to gently find that space between myself and uncertainty… In that instant, with my head resting on the pillow, it didn’t matter if I was going to succeed, regret or get through it. I was open and brave.
What does bravery mean to you?
***
And via Andrea, a moving lesson on bravery here.
Publishing
UPDATE
Not sure why the comments are being rejected on my previous post. Sorry about that! :-(
If you wish to post a comment, you can do it here. Otherwise, I’ll be back with another post soon.
