Sunday Nap, At home in San Francisco, Fall 2007.
During the fall, just around four clock in the afternoon, there is an irresistible warm light that stretches through the hardwood floors of my living room. That's when I turn into a kitty cat. I put on some jazz, I grab a blanket, a big soft pillow, a cup of tea and a couple of poetry and art books. Then I just lay right there on the floor and soak in the tenderness of that moment. Hmmm.
Yesterday, I was inspired by my friend Maddie to make some delicious homemade chai and nurture memories of my own bravery. I pondered and pondered, taking in the sunshine, the sweetness, the smells of cinnamon and cardamom and the recollection of my brave stories.
I remembered times when I was completely alone in faraway remote places, without speaking the language or knowing where I'd go next. I felt really brave and I also felt a sense of wholeness when I stood on my own and made myself company in the middle of nowhere.
So, after a few more sips of chai, I came to the conclusion that the bravest thing we can do is to love ourselves just as we are and where we are. We don't actually need to travel far to take that stand. To accept all the little (and not so little imperfections) that we have. To be interested in our own journey and all the oddities, challenges and mistakes that make us so unique. To trust that we do enough and that we are enough.
I also remembered a passage I recently read in one of Pema Chodron's books that spoke of true bravery. The story was about a man who was enjoying himself on a boat ride at dusk. Then, he saw another boat coming down the river towards him and he thought how nice it was, that someone else was enjoying summer at the river just like him. But then, he realized that the other boat was speeding up and coming faster and faster towards him. So he began to yell and ask the other boat to stop or turn... But the boat continued to come faster and unmistakably towards him. He then stood up on his boat, screamed and jumped up and down and... Well... The other boat still kept coming towards him... And in fact, smashed right into him. When that finally happened, he realized that it was an empty boat.
Pema talked about the fact that this zen story shows our whole life situation. There are a lot of empty boats coming towards us all the time. We're always reacting, screaming, jumping, trying to stop all those crazy boats. But they are empty and there is nothing we can do to really prevent them from crashing...
What if we could just stop our minds for a second, and rest in that little tiny gap between us and the boat? What if we could meet everything that comes our way with that easiness and openness in our minds? Now that is a really brave concept, right?
So I laid there on the sunshine quietly with all these thoughts... Trying to gently find that space between myself and uncertainty... In that instant, with my head resting on the pillow, it didn't matter if I was going to succeed, regret or get through it. I was open and brave.
What does bravery mean to you?
Comments (21)
Oh sweetie I just love this
brave beautiful post from you
with your cozy jewel toned
photo:)
Brave for me is exactly what you have described in your
anecdote of the boat - I have learned to breathe and
put space in between the boats
coming my way - and I feel
so light - lightness of being
since I have learned this -
and it took me sooo many years:)
I am sitting here sipping
green tea with ginsing and
eating cranberry - ginger
zen oatmeal:)
as I work from home -
It' s wonderful to get little
glimpses of your home btw -
those pillows are gorgeous -
love the color:)
warmest hugs
Mads
Posted by maddie | October 1, 2007 1:34 PM
Posted on October 1, 2007 13:34
oh and Jessie is making a
'be brave' button for this
little brave group of writers -
will let you know when it is ready:)
Posted by maddie | October 1, 2007 1:35 PM
Posted on October 1, 2007 13:35
sigh...
I have been angry and sad all day today regarding the Burmese Massacre of the monks. I can only think how brave those peaceful people were over the last week, and the ultimate price they have paid, and are paying for merely taking a stand. For walking down the street. Am I brave enough to not shop at Wal-mart where there is nothing but Chinese made goods? Am I brave enough to check labels and refuse to support China's idea of what life is worth? or fight the increasing human rights violations that China represents? I am choosing those Monk's bravery today over my convenience. China has encouraged the Burmese military Junta to act as they have. Bravery or convenience? This is what I am thinking about today...Bravery vs. convenience. I hope others start contemplating what we can do individually, today, to voice our outrage. Not buying Chinese products is pretty damn easy.
Posted by stacie | October 1, 2007 2:05 PM
Posted on October 1, 2007 14:05
Sometimes bravery is just in getting through the days and avoiding those boats coming at us. Most days, I don't feel brave at all.
I loved your comment on my post about home -and this post of yours obviously speaks to that increasing "nesting" instinct you talked about ;) You have had so many adventures in your gypsy life, and I'm sure you will have more - it's alright to let home call you in for a bit.
Love your napping pillow, too!
Posted by Becca | October 1, 2007 3:38 PM
Posted on October 1, 2007 15:38
Ernest Shackleton - he was brave. :-)
Posted by edvard moonke | October 2, 2007 2:17 AM
Posted on October 2, 2007 02:17
Reading this is so timely, as we discussed this very topic in therapy this morning, albeit in a different context, but the point was the same. It is not easy to execute on this, but I do believe that acknowledging and pondering it as you did...as I am doing daily now is such a positive step. If we can learn to do this, how much more peaceful will our personal existance be? It would help us manevour through life so much more calmly and to deal with those empty boats in ways that cause us to learn rather than to be seeped in anxiety.
I am not feeling entirely brave these days, although I do have my moments when I look around me and tell myself that I am taking actions to move forward...and that is brave I believe.
Thank you for your wisdom and warmth...always.
xoxoxo
Posted by ceanandjen | October 2, 2007 11:53 AM
Posted on October 2, 2007 11:53
First of all, thanks for your comment on my blog. The funny thing is that I've been reading yours for some time now, but I've been lurking a bit.
Love this post on bravery. I like to crawl in bed with a stack of books. poetry, sark books, novels, books on writing and life. Browsing through them, reading pages at random. I think I will do this again tonight and journal about bravery also. Thanks for the inspiration!
Posted by Silvia | October 3, 2007 11:51 AM
Posted on October 3, 2007 11:51
i never thought of bravery like that--empty unavoidable boats--but it's true!
bravery for me is in pushing my boundaries, pushing for my values, pushing! and persisting...
Posted by [a} | October 4, 2007 3:58 AM
Posted on October 4, 2007 03:58
Hmmm, this has really got me thinking. I don't think about being brave very much. I strive to be open, to be generous, to be forgiving, to be kind. I work on being okay with chaos, on accepting the lack of control - maybe that is a kind of brave?
Mostly these days I've been thinking about something that another friend in Kabul said to me - about the strength of endurance. Enduring is another kind of brave.
Posted by Frida | October 4, 2007 10:56 PM
Posted on October 4, 2007 22:56
I have to ditto Frida and also say -
I wonder if taking a risk is bravery? I think its 'brave' but not especially part of bravery. Maybe I am a bit too much of a purest - but bravery for me has something to do with taking a stand, putting my life on the line for something I hold dear or fighting in danger.
Strange hugh ... and I don't think I have experienced that kind of bravery in my life. I am just a risk taker, which is something entirely different.
Posted by lacithecat | October 5, 2007 1:56 PM
Posted on October 5, 2007 13:56
oh wow! what a great post. i felt a few little tears form in my eyes as i read it...yes, loving ourselves fully and completely takes a lot of bravery...and my heart aches for that kind of courage...
Posted by la vie en rose | October 8, 2007 12:05 PM
Posted on October 8, 2007 12:05
hello there,
my name is brittanie and I live and go to school in Boston. I'm pretty new to the blog world, but I accidentally came across your site a little while ago, found it terribly inspiring, and have been reading it sporatically ever since.
so. recently, I read your post about burning man. first I have to say that I've been obsessed with it for a long time, though I haven't been able to go yet. I feel like I'm nowhere near the mental preparation that would need to take place. it is incredible. anyway, I'm writing an explorative piece on it for a free, on-campus magazine at Emerson College in Boston. I've researched extensive amounts,(there is so much!) but I want to focus on the experiences of a few individuals who'd be willing to create some dialogue with me about it. unforutnately I don't know very many people who have been.
I hate to leave a request like this in a comment box, but I couldn't find your email address anywhere on the site. please, if you're interested in talking to me about your experience, let me know! I'm really excited about the piece, but also very personally invested in the concept of burning man.
thanks again, hope to talk to you soon.
-brittanie
Posted by brittanie | October 15, 2007 9:53 AM
Posted on October 15, 2007 09:53
This is a very timely post for me to read, Alex. Some days I don't feel brave at all; others I am fearless. I remember times in my life when I have done truly remarkable things, against all odds - yet sometimes the smallest things make me anxious. I think you're right about remembering the bravery inside ourselves and trying to face whatever life throws at us with such wisdom. Wonderful post! And I so envy you having fall in San Fran. I miss my old home in the Inner Sunset district (11th Ave). It had beautiful hardwood floors too and lots of light. xo
Posted by Paris Parfait | October 15, 2007 2:55 PM
Posted on October 15, 2007 14:55
This is a very timely post for me to read, Alex. Some days I don't feel brave at all; others I am fearless. I remember times in my life when I have done truly remarkable things, against all odds - yet sometimes the smallest things make me anxious. I think you're right about remembering the bravery inside ourselves and trying to face whatever life throws at us with such wisdom. Wonderful post! And I so envy you having fall in San Fran. I miss my old home in the Inner Sunset district (11th Ave). It had beautiful hardwood floors too and lots of light. xo
Posted by Paris Parfait | October 15, 2007 2:55 PM
Posted on October 15, 2007 14:55
such wise and beautiful sentiments. i can feel the sunshine in your words...thank you. xo, mindy
Posted by pink sky | October 18, 2007 10:08 AM
Posted on October 18, 2007 10:08
"I came to the conclusion that the bravest thing we can do is to love ourselves just as we are and where we are"
How bravely said. ALL I can say is YES!
To me, being brave is being alive, fully, without shutting down in self-protection. It is saying yes to what is and yes to every part of myself. It is entering that place beyond the picking and choosing, black white, good bad dichotomies and surrendering to the Self that is in essence pur love.
Posted by bella | October 19, 2007 10:16 AM
Posted on October 19, 2007 10:16
Girl, you are so zen! ;-)
Seriously, now: I really admire that serenity that only comes from trusting oneself. I guess that is courage, nowing that you can only count on yourself and not being the least worried about it, because you know you won't let yourself down.
Posted by Alessandra | October 26, 2007 5:13 AM
Posted on October 26, 2007 05:13
This is my first visit to your blog and I am so deeply moved. Your words poetically set an ambience for inspiration. I was so glad to read that story by Pema again (sadly, I had forgotten it) as a reminder about life's happenings. Yes, bravery is loving yourself. Oddly enough that is one of the most difficult things for people to do. I also think of bravery as staying open (open-hearted) to every moment as it comes, and every person, just accepting that this is or he/she is. I'm not sure if I am describing it well, but I hope you know what I mean.
I'll be back for more of your wonderful posts,
Jeni
Posted by Jeni | November 4, 2007 11:08 AM
Posted on November 4, 2007 11:08
Hmmm........bravery....being not scared to try to live life to the fullest. I try every day. But I am still scared.
Love to you from Marrakesh.
Posted by maryam in marrakesh | November 7, 2007 4:34 AM
Posted on November 7, 2007 04:34
Oh bravery! The light of all darkness...
Beautiful!
Posted by Agua Clara | November 9, 2007 10:01 PM
Posted on November 9, 2007 22:01
Where are you? Give us a sign of life!
Posted by maryam in marrakesh | December 9, 2007 4:37 AM
Posted on December 9, 2007 04:37