Richness, Berkeley, CA, Summer 2007
“When the bills are paid, the roof stops leaking, the phone’s not ringing, and you soak in the caught-up-ness of it all… (When is that anyway??) That’s when the dog runs away. Or the girlfriend gets pregnant. Or the tornado touches down. Life doesn’t give you breathing room, but if you stop grasping for control of the uncontrollable, you can learn to breathe through it all.” By Chris Colin
First of all, thank you all for you sweet wishes and words on my engagement! You’re the best community ever!!!
Then, the truth about my current journey…
Well, right now there is just so much going on in my life… I feel like I’ve been trying to swim and stay with it all… But no matter how hard I try to pretend that I am a fish, I keep having to come to terms with the fact that I actually need to stop and come up for air… Breath… Sleep… Make peace with this moment of change and action in my life.
You must be thinking… But you’re in a wonderful moment of your life! You just got engaged!!! And yes. You’re right. But still… I can’t help it. I’m talking about a huge sense of overwhelm due to 14 hour work days, seeing what the wrong type of work can do to the people around me, losing team members who I valued and trusted, saying goodbye to some friends that moved away, feeling my body age, recognizing my new dreams and wanting to pursue them NOW, not later, or when this film ends… Having the most wonderful guest, my sister, visiting me in San Fran for the month of July. Taking this chance to bond with my sis after so many years of distance… Celebrating my engagement with family and friends. Talking wedding stuff (which I never thought I ever would!)… Feeling a weird sense of “life is underway”… “But will get increasingly more adult like…” Will I be able to handle it?… Dealing with my ongoing work sponsored green card process (Can you believe that ~ after 12 years in the US ~ I still don’t have one?)… Plus the fact that I’ve been getting enormous amounts of junk comments on the blog!! For Gods’ sake!! Finally, just trying to keep it all together and send a good message to the world when I don’t even feel it… D’You know what I mean?
So… Anyway…
The other day, I actually took a lunch break to go snap some photos. (I just love doing that to relax my mind!) When I came back to the office, I downloaded the image above and I labeled it “Richness”. Since then, I’ve got that word stamped in my mind: Richness, Richness, Richness… Today, I realized what it means. Besides the fact that my “fiancee” is… Well… Richard… hehehe… I realized a connection between this word and this very moment in my life!
Richness/ Rich
plentiful; abundant
having (a particular thing) in large amounts
interesting because full of diversity or complexity
powerful, wealthy
(of the mixture in an internal combustion engine) containing a high proportion of fuel, energy
***
Can I transform Overwhelm by calling and seeing it as Richness?
***
And… If that doesn’t work… What definitely works for me: Singing out loud!!!
Singing the song below out loud, from the top of my lungs, alone in my car, on my drive back from work late at night! Yep. That is a sure thing! =)
Put Your Records On, Corinne Bailey Rae
Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don’t need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.
Maybe sometimes, we’ve got it wrong, but it’s alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don’t you hesitate.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the roadside,
(just relax, just relax)
Don’t you let those other boys fool you,
Got to love that afro hair do.
Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it’s alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don’t you think it’s strange?
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
It was more than I could take, pity for pity’s sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realize, that you don’t even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
Oh, you’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow…
****
Richness as opposed to Overwhelm
July 9, 2007
Great post, Alex…and I know exactly what you mean. I am so happy that you and your sister are getting to spend some time together. Whenever I spend time with my brother, it seems I regress to the little girl I was when we shared all of our memories…sometimes it seems like we have 3 legs…one in the past, one now, and in one the future. But we aren’t 3 legged creatures, are we?
Take care…
Alex, I love your idea of richness! I’ve been feeling overwhelmed as well and I don’t have nearly as much on my plate as you. But I will remember your words – and that song! Wonderful! Enjoy this time. Great photo, btw.
I’m thinking of you beautiful and hoping that you can sense the richness in all that overwhelming too-muchness and also find more space for breathing and just being.
Sending love over the miles.
x
Honey, I know all too well what you speak of. Jimmy and I got engaged when I was doing efx on Dinosaur. Talk about overwhelming! I hear you. Keep putting your records on… xoxo
So first of all congrats on the engagement! very exciting… and I know what you mean about the idea of life becoming more “grown up”… but it’s worth it.
And then I loved your idea of richness. I have been feeling alot of similar overwhelming feelings with work and such and I love your idea of calling it all richness, it makes me feel more at peace with life, thank you!
Okay, I understood yesterday when you commented…but today, I COMPLETELY understand. We are experiencing the exact same thing right now. The circumstances are a bit different, but our reaction to it all..yup, the same. Honey, I get it, but then again, you already know that.
I really REALLY appreciate reframing the “overwhelm” to “richness.” While I don’t know that I would have been able to pick such a perfect word, I do know that I try to reframe it all many days,if nothing more to maintain my sanity. Those panic attacks? They are scary business. I do not like loosing control..it scares me on many levels.
As I often like to say, I am most certainly virtually holding your hand. You are strong and fabulous, and I KNOW that you will get to that other side….
Sending you strength and love.xoxoxo
Taking time to snap some photo’s
is exactly what you need -
or i would need anyway:)
capture the richness of a moment
:)
hugs:)
there is great power in naming something for yourself…so go ahead…name it richness…that’s got to have a little transformative power to it…
Why am I always the last to know? Congratulations, dear friend, on your engagement! You two look so perfectly made for each other!
Somehow we need the contrast, though, don’t we? The contrast bewteen peace and chaos? It helps us appreciate things more deeply and yes, richly. You’ve got all the answers you need right inside of you, Alex… just go with the flow and you’ll come out on the other side!
Enjoy the fun times ahead!
xoxo
when you are back in the bloggie world, hope you will share…i’m tagging you!
Congratulations!
And..you sure are in good hands with a name like that…
I too am happily married to a Richard..( 18 years…would you believe that…)…
Congratulations once again!
From overwhelm to richness.
I will remember this for some time.
It is amazing how much can the hard can hold.
THank-you.
I LOVE this song!! Its so awe inspiring.