Portrait blues, 2006
Since I missed out on the fun last week, I decided to wrap Poetry Thursday and Sunday Scribbling in one post.
It is really hard for me to admit this, but last week my body checked out. It said: "Goodbye. I'm closed for renovation! "
At first I was very upset. I understand my body may need a break once in a while. But no warning at all is unacceptable, I thought. The body didn't care. It said: "Deal". And for a second, I even wondered: "Hey, maybe I can use this time to play at home. Do some art, write and glue pictures on my journal. Maybe even squeeze a yoga class in here..." Instead, before I took another breath, the body said: "Lay down." That is when I hoped for a movie, something inspiring and light. The body complained again: "Nope. Too late. I need all the energy I can get now". And in exchange, believe it or not, the body gave me a fever and a migrane. When I tried to respond, the body said it was working hard to lift me up. And it insisted with me once more: "Please stop now. It will be easier that way."
I was appalled. This might have been the first time since I was a kid that I had a temperature and ~ I might add ~ a fight with my body. I fussed and rolled around in bed. But here is how the body handled the situation. It turned off every channel on me. The eyes got shut and declined any light. My voice was silenced. Gone. The ears were ringing loud avoiding every other sound. And the body begged me from deep inside: "Please surrender."
And so, I had no other option but do as the body said. I spent 5 days in bed without energy, without color on my face, not feeling my muscles, not hearing my voice, with not much of a sight and hardly any appetite. I drank water and juice, but not even that was wanted. The body was very upset. Finally, after a week, it started coming back slowly, and it began whispering gently to me.
This time the body was calm and compassionate. It told me how many times it had tried to warn me before it'd given up. It talked about how many projects I had taken on and how overwhelmed I was with it all. It told me I worry too much and that my stress is making me very tired and weak. It told me I have to say "no" sometimes. Then it went on to show me that it understands my frustrations and that it knows of all the dreams that are on the shelves, waiting for their turn... It cheered me up and reminded me of all the places that I've been already and the many dreams that have already come true. It also told me it will help me get to the next place, if I take it slow and if I am kind to myself.
Lastly, it questioned me softly: "Do you know how we got this far?" "I couldn't say", I replied. And the body said: "That is exactly right. So stop wondering "how"... All you need to know is where you're headed... I'll take you there in time. You, my dear, please... Just let go."
So here I am now. Feeling much better and puzzled... At how much the body knows...
********
More "the body knows" writings at at Poetry Thursday!
More "puzzled" writings at Sunday Scribblings!
Comments (18)
Great post! When I am procrastinating...my back starts to talk to me! Every time I get a backache, it is because I am not doing something that I made an agreement with myself to do. Isn't the body amazing? Hope you feel better soon. Great blog!
Posted by Stacie | February 26, 2007 7:25 PM
Posted on February 26, 2007 19:25
Yes, sometimes we can't do anything but what our body tells us to do. Hope you are feeling much better this week!
Posted by susanna | February 27, 2007 6:55 AM
Posted on February 27, 2007 06:55
Wow- what a very insightful post, Alex! It's amazing what the body does to get our attention sometimes! I am glad you are feeling better now and that yes, you did let go. So the next time, your body knows it can trust you and maybe it won't shut down on you with no warning!
You are wonderful dear one! Thanks for teaching me so much!
Posted by Regina Clare Jane | February 27, 2007 7:42 AM
Posted on February 27, 2007 07:42
I know what you mean. My body has quite often said, "Slow down!" or "You're taking a break now, whether you like it or not." Usually, it gets to the point where I'm at the ER, so I really don't listen to my body. But it knows.
Posted by mary | February 27, 2007 9:42 AM
Posted on February 27, 2007 09:42
Hi Alex,
Glad you are feeling better. I think it's so interesting to ask what your body is trying to tell you when physical symptoms manifest. It often has some sort of message.
Yes, remember to be gentle and kind to yourself.
Posted by Andrea | February 27, 2007 12:14 PM
Posted on February 27, 2007 12:14
welcome back darlin'. i missed you.
Posted by leonie | February 27, 2007 12:30 PM
Posted on February 27, 2007 12:30
That was an amazing post and I am so glad you are better and back. Your right, the body has an amzing way of taking control when it needs to.
Posted by lacithecat | February 27, 2007 1:13 PM
Posted on February 27, 2007 13:13
Oh sweet Alex, I love the insight in this post but I'm sorry that the lesson came after so much suffering. We are very similar aren't we...
I'm onto day three of my practice of letting go, and
I think of you when I'm keeping this promise to myself, and thank you again and again for sending me that yoga journal.
The worry dolls are beside my bed with a pen and paper as well - so I'm well equiped.
Thank you for such a kind and loving gesture.
xx
Posted by Frida | February 27, 2007 8:01 PM
Posted on February 27, 2007 20:01
i've been reading your blog for a few weeks now. trying to catch up on all the goodness that i missed before i discovered it. i was inspired to leave a comment today because i noticed that you've quoted mary oliver on your header... i read her new blog today after finding a link in "frida worlds" latest blog entry. when i went back to frida's notebook, i discovered that you are there also. i should stop browsing random blogs, and just start following frida around. i believe this is the third comment i've left after her tonight..
lovely blog gypsy girl. i thoroughly enjoy reading it every time i check in!
Posted by cath | February 28, 2007 4:18 AM
Posted on February 28, 2007 04:18
ah yes, our bodies often know far more than we do. sometimes, though, i feel like a passenger in my body, as if it is not actually connected to me in any way. i need to do something about that i think :-) x
Posted by susannah | February 28, 2007 4:19 AM
Posted on February 28, 2007 04:19
hmmm... sorry... edit confusion... didn't read "mary oliver's" blog... read the blog of the woman who introduced frida to mary oliver...
anyway... just wanted to clear that one up. *grin*
Posted by cath | February 28, 2007 4:26 AM
Posted on February 28, 2007 04:26
hello lovely,
nice to have you back to full strength!
Posted by Marcos | February 28, 2007 9:06 AM
Posted on February 28, 2007 09:06
Excellent post!
Hope you are feeling better.
you know, it is not accidental when they say that the body is the temple of the soul...
Posted by Vida | February 28, 2007 10:54 AM
Posted on February 28, 2007 10:54
Dearest Alex, I am humbled by your insight and I so relate to your post. I too believe in the wisdom of the body and am often brought to my knees with the messages it offers when I slow down enough to listen. I want to honor you for doing just that--listening and committing to "getting it." It takes a woman of strength to do this...Celebrate yourself!
Posted by rubyslippers | February 28, 2007 10:57 AM
Posted on February 28, 2007 10:57
Funny, isn't it, how sometimes our bodies have to fight our wills for their own good? And we are so stubborn that sometimes only by brute force (such as a flu) can our bodies make us listen...
Anyway, hope you get better soon!!
Posted by Alessandra | March 1, 2007 10:09 AM
Posted on March 1, 2007 10:09
Alex, what a wonderfully-written piece! Great job. Am so glad you're feeling better. I really like the idea of dreams waiting on the shelf...
Posted by Paris Parfait | March 1, 2007 1:04 PM
Posted on March 1, 2007 13:04
you are very wise to listen to your body because your body ain't no fool
Posted by la vie en rose | March 2, 2007 10:39 AM
Posted on March 2, 2007 10:39
Useful site. Thank you!
http://vanessa-hudgens.createblog.com/blog/entry.php?id=8245 vanessa hudgens
Posted by vanessa hudgens | March 22, 2008 9:34 PM
Posted on March 22, 2008 21:34